Blanduary - The first month of the year where every one is fresh and hoping to fulfill their drunkenly made New years resolutions. This means limited parties, drunken binges are out of the question and diets kick into gear. Boring for those who think NYE should be every night.
Furbuary - Similar to Movember, but this one is for the ladies...nuff said.
Marky March - Props for everyone's favourite Wahlberg. I mean, who likes Donnie? This month we pay salute to Dirk Diggler by getting down and dirty with whats 'down there'. Time to channel your inner Rollergirl - or Phillip Seymour Hoffmans for those a little creepier. I may still have my cassingle copy of Good Vibrations somewhere!
Capril - My attempt at getting everyone to wear capes for the month. Those who loved Get This with Tony Martin, Ed Kavalee and Richard Marsland will know exactly what I mean. I have always loved the idea of capes, and long for the days of yore when you wore a cape and a bodice to get the mail.
Dismay - How I feel after Capril falls to the wayside and the only person wearing them is me.
Balloon June - Mid year and winter has come, as has my winter coat. Its ok to put on a few kilos this month - man doth not survive on corn chips alone.
Awry July - Leos everywhere rejoice because our birthdays have come. Known to others as Dry July, which really, just means more alcohol left for me. Party Party Party is the keyword here, and those who do not join in will be pushed over and laughed at.
Smorgast - As in smorgasboard dining. Yes, the lure of the buffet must be succumbed to - all month. Its still bloody cold, so go and eat a vat of Sizzlers Homestyle Pumpkin soup, with croutons the size of Cheesy Toast. In fact, just drop some cheesy toast in the soup.
Reptember - a month to be kind to crocodiles. Preferable to Heptember, which is a month to be kind to Pamela and Tommy Lee.
Rocktober - Every chance you get, you must summon your inner rock star. Whether this be atop a table in a japanese karaoke room, or solo in undies and socks Risky Business style, this is a chance to let loose and have fun. Warble away your worries and enjoy the last few months of the year that has flown by.
Jon Bon Jovember - An effortless flow on from Rocktober, but this month is a salute to big hair, the tight leather pant and the sex bomb that is JBJ. FYI, playing the bass part on Rock Band for Livin On A Prayer? Better than an orgasm. Maybe more fingering.
In-decentber - Its the last month of the year! Where Christmas, Boxing Day, New Years, festivals and summer barbecues are things to look forward to. Laugh at the tourists with the 2nd degree sunburn. Queue up to buy those last minute Christmas presents because you were so busy air guitaring to Bed Of Roses the previous month. But most of all - be INDECENT. Snog that co-worker. Make those photocopies. Spike that office party punch. Go sans underpants to a party. Keep eye contact for longer than necessary. Why? Because this is the month where everyone allows for slip ups. Consider it a leave pass of morals.
Actually lets make December last the whole year ☺
Good luck in life and love,
Honey xx
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Flip The Peace Sign Around - V Day.
Valentines Day.
The day where singles are made to cringe slightly under their formerly confident skin, where there is not so much a direct message but an awareness that smug marrieds and those living in coupledom are passing onto their single counterparts that they are happy and you are not.
You might be getting a rose this Sunday, you might be eating breakfast in bed, you may be strolling hand in hand down to the waterside to your seafood platter for two, you may have him brush that strand of hair out of your eyes, you may be having sex.
You MAY.
And as much bravado as we put on under our fabulous clothes and our well shod feet, the voice of a singleton will falter just that tiny bit when asked if we have a boyfriend. "No, no" we assert, "I much prefer the single life. No one to tell you what to do, meals when I like, I can always go out with the girls, no hairy fat slob on the couch when i get home."
Its true.
To a point.
Yes, I like being single. But singledom can get lonely sometimes, especially when the celebration of coupledom is being smashed right into your face like a cream pie.
Love should be easy, but it isnt. Liken it to a see saw in the playground, the ups and downs are obvious. You got to balance it perfectly and ensure that each person is taking the weight carefully so that you are both having fun. When one person leaves unexpectedly, you go smashing to the ground, left with an emotionally bruised bottom.
I havent been riding the seesaw in the playground for a while now, to use the literal term. When my ex partner got off the seesaw, I fell to the ground and sat in the dust, waiting for him to get back on so I could play again.
Maybe I just need to meet some new playdates.
All I need to remember is that on Valentines Day everyone was single at one point in their life. We may not have all shared the same experiences or emotions but we all like to go to the playground.
In the meantime I'll see if I can find someone to share my swing ☺
Good luck in life and love,
Honey xx
The day where singles are made to cringe slightly under their formerly confident skin, where there is not so much a direct message but an awareness that smug marrieds and those living in coupledom are passing onto their single counterparts that they are happy and you are not.
You might be getting a rose this Sunday, you might be eating breakfast in bed, you may be strolling hand in hand down to the waterside to your seafood platter for two, you may have him brush that strand of hair out of your eyes, you may be having sex.
You MAY.
And as much bravado as we put on under our fabulous clothes and our well shod feet, the voice of a singleton will falter just that tiny bit when asked if we have a boyfriend. "No, no" we assert, "I much prefer the single life. No one to tell you what to do, meals when I like, I can always go out with the girls, no hairy fat slob on the couch when i get home."
Its true.
To a point.
Yes, I like being single. But singledom can get lonely sometimes, especially when the celebration of coupledom is being smashed right into your face like a cream pie.
Love should be easy, but it isnt. Liken it to a see saw in the playground, the ups and downs are obvious. You got to balance it perfectly and ensure that each person is taking the weight carefully so that you are both having fun. When one person leaves unexpectedly, you go smashing to the ground, left with an emotionally bruised bottom.
I havent been riding the seesaw in the playground for a while now, to use the literal term. When my ex partner got off the seesaw, I fell to the ground and sat in the dust, waiting for him to get back on so I could play again.
Maybe I just need to meet some new playdates.
All I need to remember is that on Valentines Day everyone was single at one point in their life. We may not have all shared the same experiences or emotions but we all like to go to the playground.
In the meantime I'll see if I can find someone to share my swing ☺
Good luck in life and love,
Honey xx
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