Online or Onliar?

Just checked my online dating inbox. Have found a rather endearing message....

"Your insane...
And thats probably why I'm totally knocked out by your profile. If what you say is true, then I think I've found what I'm looking for on this crappy site.
Oh and your gorgeous too but with an attitude like that looks are secondary lol
Have a great day, keep smiling and I hope I hear back from you.
Ciao."

How to respond? Whether or not to respond? Can I be superficial and judge him by his blurry profile picture, or do I look past that and actually see if I can have a coherent conversation with someone?

Why am I caring so much about the opinion of someone I've never met?

Good luck in life and love,

Honey xxx

Is that a tap tap on the door - or merely online dating profiles being read?

Forgive me. I know I've been lax.

Even if it is just for myself, I've been horribly neglectful of my own resolution. This blog was for me and me only and I cannot even keep this up for more than a poxy few months.
I have been busy though, on the pretense of having things to write about.

March has been the month of Online Dating. Yes, I have managed to quash my feelings of distate for this long enough to become a member of a site which promises friendship, dating and long term...more if you click on one of their sister sites.

With the handle of littlemisshoney, I have put myself out into cyberspace. My profile is a bumbling mess of thoughts, likes and dislikes, irrational behaviour and you know what? The men have lapped it up. Quite a lot of the emails from the men on this site have commented on how funny and refreshing my profile is.

"An island in a sea of bull shit."

"How awesome...i really enjoyed reading your profile...sweet...
How funny are you...hope you are having a good weekend..."

"while i was reading your profile I was wondering if you had taken a breath while writing this.
You sound like a lot of fun , i would love to get to know you and see what happens."

Of course, you have the standard emails who simply say Hi. Thats utterly boring to me, so quite often I will delete without reading into it.

There is one person who is quite persistent. He keeps asking if I can chat to him on MSN or if we can have a coffee soon. I have straight out told him that I dont want to meet anyone or speak to them over any other means than this site. He responded that it was fair enough I felt that way, but it was because I was simply stunning and he wanted to show me that his intentions were real.
I havent responded as yet.

Online dating seems to be a bit of an elimination process. I honestly do not mean to sound as though I am bragging but in the first 3 days of joining this site, my inbox was absolutely flooded with mails from others on the site. Granted 95% of those were rubbish, which I have now deleted. I have begun a regular correspondence with three in particular, who both seem lovely and genuine. Of course, the picture helps...

I understand some people can be reluctant to load pictures of themselves on the internet. I dont really have that problem - I mean just look at Facebook...I got three photos from my facebook page and loaded them onto this site. It appears these photos are winners with lots of lads.

As one person very sweetly put it, "May I just say you are a shining example of genetic perfection!".
I told him "That is extraordinarily kind of you to say and I will tuck that away for a rainy day."
His response? "I wish it was raining now."

So after a week of being a member of this site, my verdict is this. Online dating is exactly like getting out there in the pubs and clubs, except with the propensity for extra loads of bull shit to be passed your way. The men on here can still be just as pushy in writing, rather than hassling you to dance in person. The men on here ask you to go for a drink with absolutely no introduction or even a hello, much like they will come and sit next to you or make their way into your dance circle. The men on here can ignore you completely, just like they do in real life. The men on here can hide or disguise their flaws by photoshopping or clever use of words, instead of hoping your alcohol intake will blur the edges.

But, as real life also has a want to do - some of the men on here have the potential to quite suprise you.

Good luck in life and love,

Honey xx

The Winter of My Discontent.

A warning to all readers who happen to go further than this - I am in quite a dark mood and as is my wont on this blog, I shall vent in a manner that is fitting to my mood.
Whats brought all of this on? A mixture of things. A cesspit of disappointment, coupled with failure of hopes and expectations. A sprinkling of nostalgia. A dash of lust and jealousy. A huge serving of inactivity. Oh, and we mustnt forget - a liberal splashing of drugs and alcohol, which gives it that smooth flavour of coming down.
Hungry yet?
Somebody close to me let me down this weekend. Because of her chronic inability to be on time for anything, I missed something I had been on pins and needles for since forever, a band that I adore and had been looking forward to for such a long time. It shows a huge lack of respect to me, I think - she knew how long I had waited for this. I had even bought her ticket for her and not only did she turn up 45 minutes later than she promised, she made a big deal about how she had rushed as quickly as she could, running there to meet me etc. I would have just accepted a simple genuine apology and gotten over it soon enough. Not this stupid bullshit concoction about how she tried so hard to get there on time. Thats what really makes me see black.
I'm very tired of my life at the moment. There is no need to ask me if I'm content with my life at the moment. I think the answer lies in my shuffling feet, my slumping shoulders, my overwhelming exhaustion evident on my face.
I take things to stay awake now. Not Class A drugs obviously, but things like Red Bulls, No-Doz, Berocca - anything that promises to give me a burst of energy. I drink two or three coffees daily now, when I only used to drink one a month. Nothing helps shake off this blanket of tiredness I always feel is draped around my shoulders.
I take things to go to sleep now. It seems odd, cruel almost, considering the effort I concert to stay awake. Alas, the only way at present that I am able to fall asleep is on a fluffy cloud of sleeping tablets.
It cant be healthy. It really cant. I fear that I am staring into the jaws of the black dog of depression. But I cant be depressed. Nobody who is depressed ever thinks that they are depressed. If I think I'm depressed, I cant be. I'm just feeling a little sorry for myself.
Maybe I'm just lonely. Or tired. Or nostalgic. Maybe I'm just missing that someone. Or disappointed by my friends. Or scared to be lonely. So I hang on to my friends.
I need to be by myself for a while. I want to go away and read a book. I want to drink a bottle of wine without feeling the need to get roaring drunk and hitting on random men. I want to walk by myself without worrying about what other people think of me. I place so much emphasis on other peoples opinions that I've forgotten that my own opinions should be the most important to me. I want to think out loud. I want to laugh out loud. I don't want to have bullshit chit chat with someone and talk about the latest model of mobile phone. I've just lost my phone, so there is no need to switch it off - I just wont replace it.
How far inside your own mind can you retreat before someone notices you are gone? I'm worried that I've been absent from enjoying life for so so so long, but nobody has even seen.
But, if this is you - please don't come for me if this is all that I have to return to.
Good luck in life and love,
Honey xx

Got To Try A Little Tenderness....

I turned down a sure thing last night. I was in his lap, I kissed him, I was attracted to him, he was smart, made me laugh and he was leaving in a month, so no further carry on required.

So why did I not wake up today in a strange bed worrying about the walk of shame?

Because I think guys have stopped making an effort now. He expected that I would immediately leave my friends to go back with him. He did not even offer to buy me a drink but instead drank mine. (I do realise that sounds quite outdated, but I think thats the least you can do if you intend to get into my pants.)

Have I, and my fellow females, been making it too easy for our male counterparts? Is there no longer the thrill of the chase? I don't mean that we are having too many one night stands. No no no no no, thats something that will always exist whether it be in my life or any body elses. What I'm growing concerned with now is the ease with which we are hopping into bed with them.

So even though I may be promiscuous, even though I like the physical gratification of one night stands, even though I have no qualms about going sleeping with someone with no intention of ever seeing them again, I think I'm going to make them work a little bit harder now.

It seems beggars can be choosers ☺

Good luck in life and love,

Honey xx

Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word

I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry i'm sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry.
I'm useless at sticking to anything. Even if its just something for myself to do. Utterly useless.
I suppose thats the story of my life. I am destined to be a failure. I have the best of intentions and then just my ambition just trickles away until all there is left is the self flagellation that goes on in my own head about how pathetic I am.
Can you tell I'm having a bad day?
I want to run away. I want to leave everyone who knows me behind and just start all over again. No more lies. No more cover ups. No more hiding things that I'm not even responsible for, but I feel so ashamed for them that I hide their secrets side by side with my own.
I want to laugh and have it be genuine. I want to smile with my eyes and my face, not just my mouth. I want to be confident in who I am, not overdose on bravado and constantly trying to save face.
I want my mum.
My faith is slowly being shattered in my friendships around me. I don't feel that anyone is genuine anymore, from daily acquaintances to my best friends. Am I too trusting? Or am I too cynical? Does anyone really have good friends who they can rely on for anything and everything? Sure, you have have a great time with your girls/mates but would you take a bullet for them? Who would take a bullet for me? No one, thats who. And I'm getting to that point where I dont think I'd take one for them any more.
I'm so tired of being disappointed. Im so tired of being a disappointment to others.
I think I need to be alone for a while.

Good luck in life and love,

Honey xx

That Time Of The Month.

Blanduary - The first month of the year where every one is fresh and hoping to fulfill their drunkenly made New years resolutions. This means limited parties, drunken binges are out of the question and diets kick into gear. Boring for those who think NYE should be every night.

Furbuary - Similar to Movember, but this one is for the ladies...nuff said.

Marky March - Props for everyone's favourite Wahlberg. I mean, who likes Donnie? This month we pay salute to Dirk Diggler by getting down and dirty with whats 'down there'. Time to channel your inner Rollergirl - or Phillip Seymour Hoffmans for those a little creepier. I may still have my cassingle copy of Good Vibrations somewhere!

Capril - My attempt at getting everyone to wear capes for the month. Those who loved Get This with Tony Martin, Ed Kavalee and Richard Marsland will know exactly what I mean. I have always loved the idea of capes, and long for the days of yore when you wore a cape and a bodice to get the mail.

Dismay - How I feel after Capril falls to the wayside and the only person wearing them is me.

Balloon June - Mid year and winter has come, as has my winter coat. Its ok to put on a few kilos this month - man doth not survive on corn chips alone.

Awry July - Leos everywhere rejoice because our birthdays have come. Known to others as Dry July, which really, just means more alcohol left for me. Party Party Party is the keyword here, and those who do not join in will be pushed over and laughed at.

Smorgast - As in smorgasboard dining. Yes, the lure of the buffet must be succumbed to - all month. Its still bloody cold, so go and eat a vat of Sizzlers Homestyle Pumpkin soup, with croutons the size of Cheesy Toast. In fact, just drop some cheesy toast in the soup.

Reptember - a month to be kind to crocodiles. Preferable to Heptember, which is a month to be kind to Pamela and Tommy Lee.

Rocktober - Every chance you get, you must summon your inner rock star. Whether this be atop a table in a japanese karaoke room, or solo in undies and socks Risky Business style, this is a chance to let loose and have fun. Warble away your worries and enjoy the last few months of the year that has flown by.

Jon Bon Jovember - An effortless flow on from Rocktober, but this month is a salute to big hair, the tight leather pant and the sex bomb that is JBJ. FYI, playing the bass part on Rock Band for Livin On A Prayer? Better than an orgasm. Maybe more fingering.

In-decentber - Its the last month of the year! Where Christmas, Boxing Day, New Years, festivals and summer barbecues are things to look forward to. Laugh at the tourists with the 2nd degree sunburn. Queue up to buy those last minute Christmas presents because you were so busy air guitaring to Bed Of Roses the previous month. But most of all - be INDECENT. Snog that co-worker. Make those photocopies. Spike that office party punch. Go sans underpants to a party. Keep eye contact for longer than necessary. Why? Because this is the month where everyone allows for slip ups. Consider it a leave pass of morals.

Actually lets make December last the whole year ☺

Good luck in life and love,

Honey xx

Flip The Peace Sign Around - V Day.

Valentines Day.
The day where singles are made to cringe slightly under their formerly confident skin, where there is not so much a direct message but an awareness that smug marrieds and those living in coupledom are passing onto their single counterparts that they are happy and you are not.
You might be getting a rose this Sunday, you might be eating breakfast in bed, you may be strolling hand in hand down to the waterside to your seafood platter for two, you may have him brush that strand of hair out of your eyes, you may be having sex.
You MAY.
And as much bravado as we put on under our fabulous clothes and our well shod feet, the voice of a singleton will falter just that tiny bit when asked if we have a boyfriend. "No, no" we assert, "I much prefer the single life. No one to tell you what to do, meals when I like, I can always go out with the girls, no hairy fat slob on the couch when i get home."
Its true.
To a point.
Yes, I like being single. But singledom can get lonely sometimes, especially when the celebration of coupledom is being smashed right into your face like a cream pie.
Love should be easy, but it isnt. Liken it to a see saw in the playground, the ups and downs are obvious. You got to balance it perfectly and ensure that each person is taking the weight carefully so that you are both having fun. When one person leaves unexpectedly, you go smashing to the ground, left with an emotionally bruised bottom.
I havent been riding the seesaw in the playground for a while now, to use the literal term. When my ex partner got off the seesaw, I fell to the ground and sat in the dust, waiting for him to get back on so I could play again.
Maybe I just need to meet some new playdates.
All I need to remember is that on Valentines Day everyone was single at one point in their life. We may not have all shared the same experiences or emotions but we all like to go to the playground.
In the meantime I'll see if I can find someone to share my swing ☺

Good luck in life and love,

Honey xx