Waiting For Godot...Or Not.

I realise to the untrained eye it may have seemed like I was simply waiting around the house, waiting for him to call. I was not.
I realise my reluctance to be further than 3 feet from the laptop at any given moment would seem as though I was expecting a message from him. I was not.
I realise it could be mistaken as enthusiasm for seeing him that explained the frisson of energy in my chest when I thought about him. It was not.

But there could be no mistaking the look of disappointment in my eyes as the weekend rolled to a close and I had not seen him.

I had been sucked into the trap again, and like a fool, I let myself look like a complete and utter moron.

I should have known better than to believe his kind words. I definitely didn't believe his apologetic words, and he knows that.

He is not used to me standing on my own two feet and making demands. He is not used to being refused, and having cited to him the time of night as being a reason. He has become accustomed to calling when he wants, and I rearrange everything to accomodate him. He now has to show me a little more respect.

Its a funny thing, respect, especially when you are talking about an arrangement between two consenting people. Yes, I am referring to my fuck buddy. Now I'm sure you know the premise upon which a relationship like this can exist. There cannot be any overt pulling or pushing, otherwise the delicate nature of it gets unbalanced. No party must make demands that the other cannot meet within reason. However no party can be offended or feel put out if the other party is unable to meet the reasonable demands.

The understanding lies in that you will only get together if one or more parties has struck out. There has rarely been a time where I have chosen my FB over someone else. And so this is where the lack of respect comes into it.

How can you really respect someone who you only use for sex?

The problem with my FB now is that he is not showing me the utmost respect - thats fine. Thats exactly how I reciprocate. But its when he starts showing me disrespect, that I need to put my foot down. I dont care how well he bends me over backwards or makes me orgasm 8 times in a night, if he is a prick to me, then I should not put up with it.

Thats because I'm not in love with you, and my heart has no chance of getting hurt. My pride, maybe. My groin area, definitely. But my heart is off limits to you.

I made the mistake of letting this boy disrespect me, and now you can be bloody sure that this is never going to happen again.

Isn't it weird though, how much you do put up with people's crap because you love them, or you think you are in love with them. I think I addressed this in an earlier post, so I won't rehash old stuff. I will just state, that love makes the world go round...I wonder if its because we are so busy chasing after the one we love that makes it spin.

Good luck in life and love,

Honey xxx