Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word

I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry i'm sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry.
I'm useless at sticking to anything. Even if its just something for myself to do. Utterly useless.
I suppose thats the story of my life. I am destined to be a failure. I have the best of intentions and then just my ambition just trickles away until all there is left is the self flagellation that goes on in my own head about how pathetic I am.
Can you tell I'm having a bad day?
I want to run away. I want to leave everyone who knows me behind and just start all over again. No more lies. No more cover ups. No more hiding things that I'm not even responsible for, but I feel so ashamed for them that I hide their secrets side by side with my own.
I want to laugh and have it be genuine. I want to smile with my eyes and my face, not just my mouth. I want to be confident in who I am, not overdose on bravado and constantly trying to save face.
I want my mum.
My faith is slowly being shattered in my friendships around me. I don't feel that anyone is genuine anymore, from daily acquaintances to my best friends. Am I too trusting? Or am I too cynical? Does anyone really have good friends who they can rely on for anything and everything? Sure, you have have a great time with your girls/mates but would you take a bullet for them? Who would take a bullet for me? No one, thats who. And I'm getting to that point where I dont think I'd take one for them any more.
I'm so tired of being disappointed. Im so tired of being a disappointment to others.
I think I need to be alone for a while.

Good luck in life and love,

Honey xx